Sunday, 1 November 2015

I'd Say This Was a Miss Sporty 'Pump Up Booster 24 Hour Waterproof Mascara' Review, But That Would Be a Lie...

I've decided something.
I should have more baths.

Not because I stink...
(although I probably do more often than I'd like to talk about)
...but because great things happen to people in baths.

1. You get clean.
(note to self)

2. You get to use all the awesome bath stuff people buy you for various birthdays or Christmas.
or in my case, ASDA's finest "bath soak" in blue, obvs...'cos it matches my mums towels. :/

3. You can pretend to be a mermaid and use your hair, plus the bubbles to be all siren like and seductive and stuff, to the ermmm...imaginary and extremely handsome Prince chilling somewhere on the nearby taps rocks.

4. You can invent stuff. 
Some girl out there definitely invented the idea of bubble bath while pretending to be a mermaid and realising she had no bubble-bra to hide her dignity while trying to turn on her taps Prince.

...and finally, and probably most importantly right now
5. I think of blog posts!!

Good god, maybe this is what's been missing for the best part of the last year!!
While I've been stinking out half of Huddersfield with my non-bathed self, (jk I have showers 'kay?) my poor little blog right here has laid empty, bare, and neglected.
Untouched by any kind of keyboard action, and in dangerously high risk of landing me in trouble for false self-advertising; I'd love to try and convince you all that I've been 23 for 2 years, but ermmm...sadly I'm now 25, and on reaching my ripe old age I've seemingly gone all old and forgotten how to use any form of technology, and deff's can't change that little number in the side bar under my also 2-year-old photo.
Pretty sure it's actually almost 3 years old, that photo. I could have pink hair for all you guys know now...and you'd have noooo idea...oooh intriguing. ;)
Oh well, I'm just gonna have to stay looking that young and fresh faced. 
Probs still be showing you my 23 year old self when I'm 30, and I'm definitely cool with that...

Anywaysssss...clearly some things never change and I'll still ramble at you for years before getting on with it.

So, the reason we're here, is because I actually got my brain in gear and decided to write a post.
Now, this wasn't the post I intended to write this week...I did plan on writing an entirely different eyelash related post, but while pondering how to begin that one, something small but significant happened, and, well, this one just popped into my newly cleared and chilled out head, and, well, 23 year old me style, I was off...

You see, I'm lazy.
I was just chilling there, in't bath, as you do.
My hair definitely needed washing the day before and not that day, my car definitely did need fixing, and, well, I'd say I had clothes to iron, but actually I just never iron 'cos gym clothes don't kinda need it, so that one sorts itself.

This particular day though, I was feeling extra lazy, and didn't bother to remove what was left of my post-gym make-up, (mascara, and a brown smudge above the outer half of my left eye, which I think used to be an eyebrow) this is bad, because it meant that in my laziness, I was going to have to get up and out of the ultra-peng warm water, and get my cleanser from across the room, (probs only needed to lean over actually, bathroom ain't that big...)  but ermm, nahh.
I decided instead, that while washing my haur, I'd just smudge a bit of water across my eyes and get my mascara off the non-blogger friendly way, (meh, we use the term 'blogger' very loosely with me these days, who needs fancy cleanser?) but pretty soon, I realised this just wasn't happening.
My mascara was naaaat budging.

Thing is, I'd used my £3.99 bargain mascara today.
The one 'Miss Mascara Snob 2013' over here scoffed and giggled at in Boots, buying it earlier this Summer for the sake of one day, (Tough Mudder) needing a waterproof mascara, but refusing to pay for a 'better' one, 'cos 'waterproof ones are rubbish and never work anyway'.

No, not even just wrong - beyond wrong!
I might as well have been trying to peel an orange wearing boxing gloves, while on the moon, when the orange is on Earth.
Not happening.
I'm serious, it did not move!

The mascara in question is the Miss Sporty 'Pump Up Booster 24 Hour Waterproof' mascara, which sells for a teeny £3.99 in Boots.
Now I'm not gonna beat around the bush here, as a mascara, if you're a mascara snob, (a la moi before my reformation) and you want extra long, extra black, extra voluminous lashes, then babe, step away - just go - this ain't for you.
It really does live up to its price tag in all other ways. :/

It ain't gonna make you look like you've just sprouted your own pair of Eyelure's, so long they'll be clicking their own fingers in a 'Z' shape while claiming "uh-huh yes honey I grew these all myself", at you. No.

It's more of a *deep in-take of breath* 'natural look' :|.
Call it, 'barely there', even.
These are the lashes we ladies would go for when attempting the 'I woke up like this' look, desperately trying to convince the world Instagram that we're fresh faced natural beauties, when actually it's all #lies.

In total weird contrastingness however, despite sadly lacking on the lashes, this mascara loves to add blackness, volume and length to ermm...your lids.
Upper and lower.
In fact just everywhere.

Actual. Wettest. Mascara. Ever.
Try and get this on your lashes and nowhere else. I dare you.
This stuff will be on your lids, your cheeks, your nose, hell it'll be on your toes if you're not careful!
And don't, I beg you, sneeze anywhere within 1 hour of application.
It WILL still be wet.
And it WILL be making you represent the plight of almost extinct pandas around the world.
Peeps will be giving you their £3 a month and awaiting their update on Paula the Panda and her cubs deep in the forests of China, seriously.

Don't do it guys. Don't sneeze. Use sanitiser.
It is your friend.

Oh yeah, and 'cos it's 3000% waterproof, once it's all over your eyes/face/feet/walls/you get the picture, just try and fix that mess girl.
Sorry in advance...

To sum up. If you're keen on saving the panda and want to advertise their plight whenever you have the sniffles, buy this.
If you wanna look like Beyonce and wake up pretending you're not wearing make-up when you totes are, buy this.
And finally, if, like me, you're about to jump into a pool of ice water, a muddy swamp, the odd river, and/or do 3276483 spin/Grit classes a week, all with a very real risk of post-class/event photographic evidence appearing on social media and you want to look even 1% this.

If you're wanting lashes like Kim K, long, dark, thick and *ahem* suspiciously Eyelure-like, then honey don't buy them.
In fact go straight for the extensions, ain't no mascara on Earth gonna give you lashes like those, any more than Kylie Jenner's 'lip-kit' is gonna give you her lips.
Can't buy surgery in Boots girls, soz...

You can buy bubble bath though...and not just in blue, get matching those bathrooms guys, mermaid style. 
Your Prince awaits.