"I Hate You So Much Right Now..."

"...ARRRRRRGHHH"

Yes, I hope you all sang along with that title in perfect Kelis style.

Gotta love a bit of old Kelis right?

Slightly harsh though, I don't hate the products I'm about to mention, but 'I Dislike You So Much Right Now' just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Even so, everything listed here is responsible for giving you that really awful feeling in the pit of your stomach, where you just KNOW that it's not working out.

The poor things end up rejected and living in the back of an old, decrepit make-up bag, never to see the light of day again.

Until now of course, when they're brought out to face the daylight.

Poor things.

It's like giving them false hope.

First up:

Dove: Rich Nourishing Beauty Body Moisturiser

Greasy, greasy.

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

The name doesn't lie. It's rich alright.

So rich it can't possibly sink in to your skin, it's just too thick and sticky.

Talking of, it's been stuck to the back of my cupboard for a while now.

I genuinely have to wash my hands after applying it, because I can't stand the stickiness - and even then it doesn't come off!

If anyone was ever trying to find a waterproof body lotion, here it is. 

Just abandon all hopes of trying to have a shower even the next day, because it won't let you.

Models Own: Lemon Meringue Nail Polish

I can't tell you how much I wanted a pretty but subtle yellow nail polish last Summer, one that would off-set a tan perfectly.

I can't tell you how excited I was to find this, and try it out.

I also can't tell you how disappointed I was when it turned out to be gloopy, and look like odd coloured Tip Ex on my nails - weird I know.

It could have been so pretty, I still wore it for about three days while on holiday, but in all honesty I think it was wet for a full day of the three! 

Oh my godddddd did it take forever to dry!! 

If I'm bored and tanned one day this Summer I'll probably try it again, but it will probably have all smudged off by the end of the day, purely from the air.

No nail polish remover needed.

Benefit: Erase Paste

Ooooh controversial!

It's a very, very long time since I bought this, and for a good while I tried to love it.

I had it in two shades - one of which, (fair) I got for about £3 brand new on eBay after finding the medium shade too orange. 

Only problem was, the fair shade was also too orange...

It's a shame, there really are only three shades in this concealer, and with the two that I've tried, I might as well have pealed an orange and stuck the pieces under my eyes. 

Mmm, attractive.

 I just can't imagine how this would work on anyone with pink undertones to their skin?

Mr. Blobby, anyone?

Also, like the nail polish mentioned above, it took FOREVERRRRRR to dry!

It is sooo thick, it just sits there and chills on your skin like it's waiting for some kind of companion.

(*Makes mental note to store it with Lemon Meringue polish so they can chill and be tacky together*)

Not long after I gave up on this, I found the Collection 2000 Lasting Perfection concealer, and I never looked back.

MAC: Pink Friday Lipstick

Sob, sob, sob...

I saved this one until last.

When I heard Nicki Minaj, (who at the time I was a big fan of) was bringing out a limited edition MAC lipstick, I was over the moon!

I ordered my lippy, (not an easy feat I'm telling you!) and waited with baited breath until that little plop that signifies the arrival of the post man, and that he has brought something more than just letters...

I remember my excitement, my Nicki Minaj lipstick was here!

I was going to put her album on in my room, dance around wearing my awesome lipstick, and pretend to be her.

Only problem is...I ermm, didn't like it.

I really, REALLY didn't like it.

I still don't.

In fact its just plain nasty.

It's a pale, blue toned, and VERY vibrant pink.

It's so perfectly Nicki Minaj, that it is unwearable to anyone that isn't called Nicki Minaj.

I remember seeing reviews of it at the time, and almost all of them said they loved it, but then went on to only wear a dab of it over the top of a darker shade of pink, or changed their mind.

I did the same.

I think I've worn it twice, once to try it out and desperately find a type of light that it looked good in, and the second time over the top of a dark pink.

Oh and a third - to take pictures to show you :)

Even these pictures don't show the true scale of how bad this looks on me, but I didn't want to take a full face photo because I wasn't wearing any other make-up. 

Let's just say it wouldn't only be the lips that would scare you...