I'd Say This Was a Miss Sporty 'Pump Up Booster 24 Hour Waterproof Mascara' Review, But That Would Be a Lie...

I've decided something.

I should have more baths.

Not because I stink...

(although I probably do more often than I'd like to talk about)

...but because great things happen to people in baths.

1. You get clean.

(note to self)

2. You get to use all the awesome bath stuff people buy you for various birthdays or Christmas.

or in my case, ASDA's finest "bath soak" in blue, obvs...'cos it matches my mums towels. :/

3. You can pretend to be a mermaid and use your hair, plus the bubbles to be all siren like and seductive and stuff, to the ermmm...imaginary and extremely handsome Prince chilling somewhere on the nearby taps rocks.

4. You can invent stuff. 

Some girl out there definitely invented the idea of bubble bath while pretending to be a mermaid and realising she had no bubble-bra to hide her dignity while trying to turn on her taps Prince.

...and finally, and probably most importantly right now

5. I think of blog posts!!

Good god, maybe this is what's been missing for the best part of the last year!!

While I've been stinking out half of Huddersfield with my non-bathed self, (jk I have showers 'kay?) my poor little blog right here has laid empty, bare, and neglected.

Untouched by any kind of keyboard action, and in dangerously high risk of landing me in trouble for false self-advertising; I'd love to try and convince you all that I've been 23 for 2 years, but ermmm...sadly I'm now 25, and on reaching my ripe old age I've seemingly gone all old and forgotten how to use any form of technology, and deff's can't change that little number in the side bar under my also 2-year-old photo.

Pretty sure it's actually almost 3 years old, that photo. I could have pink hair for all you guys know now...and you'd have noooo idea...oooh intriguing. ;)

Oh well, I'm just gonna have to stay looking that young and fresh faced. 

Probs still be showing you my 23 year old self when I'm 30, and I'm definitely cool with that...

#sorrynotsorry

Anywaysssss...clearly some things never change and I'll still ramble at you for years before getting on with it.

So, the reason we're here, is because I actually got my brain in gear and decided to write a post.

Now, this wasn't the post I intended to write this week...I did plan on writing an entirely different eyelash related post, but while pondering how to begin that one, something small but significant happened, and, well, this one just popped into my newly cleared and chilled out head, and, well, 23 year old me style, I was off...

You see, I'm lazy.

I was just chilling there, in't bath, as you do.

My hair definitely needed washing the day before and not that day, my car definitely did need fixing, and, well, I'd say I had clothes to iron, but actually I just never iron 'cos gym clothes don't kinda need it, so that one sorts itself.

This particular day though, I was feeling extra lazy, and didn't bother to remove what was left of my post-gym make-up, (mascara, and a brown smudge above the outer half of my left eye, which I think used to be an eyebrow) this is bad, because it meant that in my laziness, I was going to have to get up and out of the ultra-peng warm water, and get my cleanser from across the room, (probs only needed to lean over actually, bathroom ain't that big...)  but ermm, nahh.

I decided instead, that while washing my haur, I'd just smudge a bit of water across my eyes and get my mascara off the non-blogger friendly way, (meh, we use the term 'blogger' very loosely with me these days, who needs fancy cleanser?) but pretty soon, I realised this just wasn't happening.

My mascara was naaaat budging.

Thing is, I'd used my £3.99 bargain mascara today.

The one 'Miss Mascara Snob 2013' over here scoffed and giggled at in Boots, buying it earlier this Summer for the sake of one day, (Tough Mudder) needing a waterproof mascara, but refusing to pay for a 'better' one, 'cos 'waterproof ones are rubbish and never work anyway'.

WRONG!!

No, not even just wrong - beyond wrong!

I might as well have been trying to peel an orange wearing boxing gloves, while on the moon, when the orange is on Earth.

Not happening.

I'm serious, it did not move!

The mascara in question is the Miss Sporty 'Pump Up Booster 24 Hour Waterproof' mascara, which sells for a teeny £3.99 in Boots.

Now I'm not gonna beat around the bush here, as a mascara, if you're a mascara snob, (a la moi before my reformation) and you want extra long, extra black, extra voluminous lashes, then babe, step away - just go - this ain't for you.

It really does live up to its price tag in all other ways. :/

It ain't gonna make you look like you've just sprouted your own pair of Eyelure's, so long they'll be clicking their own fingers in a 'Z' shape while claiming "uh-huh yes honey I grew these all myself", at you. No.

It's more of a *deep in-take of breath* 'natural look' :|.

Call it, 'barely there', even.

These are the lashes we ladies would go for when attempting the 'I woke up like this' look, desperately trying to convince the world Instagram that we're fresh faced natural beauties, when actually it's all #lies.

In total weird contrastingness however, despite sadly lacking on the lashes, this mascara loves to add blackness, volume and length to ermm...your lids.

Upper and lower.

In fact just everywhere.

:|

Actual. Wettest. Mascara. Ever.

Try and get this on your lashes and nowhere else. I dare you.

This stuff will be on your lids, your cheeks, your nose, hell it'll be on your toes if you're not careful!

And don't, I beg you, sneeze anywhere within 1 hour of application.

It WILL still be wet.

And it WILL be making you represent the plight of almost extinct pandas around the world.
Peeps will be giving you their £3 a month and awaiting their update on Paula the Panda and her cubs deep in the forests of China, seriously.

Don't do it guys. Don't sneeze. Use sanitiser.

It is your friend.

Oh yeah, and 'cos it's 3000% waterproof, once it's all over your eyes/face/feet/walls/you get the picture, just try and fix that mess girl.

Sorry in advance...

To sum up. If you're keen on saving the panda and want to advertise their plight whenever you have the sniffles, buy this.

If you wanna look like Beyonce and wake up pretending you're not wearing make-up when you totes are, buy this.

And finally, if, like me, you're about to jump into a pool of ice water, a muddy swamp, the odd river, and/or do 3276483 spin/Grit classes a week, all with a very real risk of post-class/event photographic evidence appearing on social media and you want to look even 1% human...buy this.

If you're wanting lashes like Kim K, long, dark, thick and *ahem* suspiciously Eyelure-like, then honey don't buy them.

In fact go straight for the extensions, ain't no mascara on Earth gonna give you lashes like those, any more than Kylie Jenner's 'lip-kit' is gonna give you her lips.

Can't buy surgery in Boots girls, soz...

You can buy bubble bath though...and not just in blue, get matching those bathrooms guys, mermaid style. 

Your Prince awaits.

;)

Having my Make-up Done...Trying Out Make-up by HD Brows

I've decided something.

I have little to no understanding of Kim Kardashian right now.

1. The fact that she thought platinum blonde hair was a good idea.

2. The fact that she insists on encasing her feet in shoes which resemble cages and make her look about a foot tall.

3. The fact that her derrière is larger than last weeks supermoon, and would definitely block out more sunlight than an eclipse.

and mostly...

4. The fact that recently, my all too frequent Mail Online showbiz section stalking sessions show at least 237265429 articles per day of Kim, seemingly trying to out-misery-gut her other half.

I mean, really?

What is this constant pouty, glum looking facial expression which Kim seems to have adopted more and more of late?

Why is it necessary?

Is she afraid that removing such a pained and sullen look may crease her latest dose of collagen? Or is it the sheer dosage of collagen itself making all facial movement a myth?

One thing's for sure - Kim truly has naff all to be miserable about, 

I mean, if my bum could single-handedly-cheekedly (?) *cough* 'break the internet' and draw me enough income to buy China, (and therefore a country big enough to reside my second bum cheek) I'd look pretty bleeding happy.

Hell, I'd be more than happy to simply have an extra hour in bed a day, owed to not having to do my face in the morning.

It really is a pain.

Sadly however, we're not all as lucky as Kim.

We're not all able to use income generated by the size of our bootaaay's, to hire live in Make-up Artist's and look permanently polished, prepped and preened without the usual faffing, flapping and general fussing each time our left eyebrow totes decides not to match its buddy on't right.

#girlproblems

This all changed one Saturday recently however...when I got the chance to go all Kardashian, and have my make-up done by a pro.

Now for me, ladies, (and cheeky blog reading gents) this is a big thing; I haven't had my make-up done since I was twelve, and my friend decided to give me a make-over in the style of a certain citrus fruit in her bedroom, complete with violet eyeshadow, and a lot of sticky glitter stuff.

:|

Claire's Accessories was where it's at peeps.

Anyhow, off I popped to see my Fairy-Lash-Mother, and all round beauty genius, Rachel Brooker.

You may remember me raving about her here, and here, when she's single handedly transformed my sadly lacking brows and lashes into, well...ones I didn't know I was capable of

Love me some HD Brows.

<3

Since my last visit, Rachel has furthered her already maaad skillz, to become a HD Brows Elite Trainer and Master Stylist, (can she get an 'oooh'?) so most products and brushes used on me were from the new Make-up by HD Brows range...and they're rather nice I'll have you know!

First job on the list was a fresh HD-ing of my seriously out-grown brows...

(Ta-daa!!)

(Love a good before and after shot - who knew I was capable of growing those badboys? <3)

but then it was on to the make-up...

The look of the day was a perfect base, complete with lots of contouring, a soft smoky eye, lashings of liquid liner, and a natural lip.

Now for this part I'm going to credit Rachel hugely - because she's sent me so many juicy deets about each product, that right now I'm at risk of sounding like I know my shizzle...

So you know guys, right here I'm pretty much just the messenger.

***

Rachel began by buffing Fluid Foundation in shade 2 'Sand' in to my skin, using the Kabuki Brush for a flawless finish. The foundation is a semi-matt, and coverage is adjustable depending on the result you're aiming for; a small amount either alone, or mixed with moisturiser can be buffed into the skin with either a kabuki or stipple brush for a lighter coverage, or for full coverage a larger amount, (Rachel suggests two pumps, or as much as is required for the desired effect) can be used. For a more luminous finish it can also be mixed with an illuminating primer (such as 'L'Oreal Lumi Magique'). The foundation not only feels beautiful on the skin, (in that non-existent, light 'I'm totally not wearing anything' way) but it is also extremely long lasting - something which I can vouch for fully, my face looked exactly the same hours later as it did immediately after application. Reeesult. 

To conceal, Rachel used the Conceal and Correct Palette in shade 001 'Light-Medium' under my eyes. Both the foundation and concealer were set with the Translucent Finishing Powder, applied using the Powder Brush, with the Eye Blending Brush being used under my eyes.

To contour, (yusssss contouring ftw!!) Rachel applied shade 'Light Blonde', from the 'Bombshell' 'Eye & Brow Palette'. Now I know what you're thinking...an eye/brow product to contour?!

But it totally works!

To contour, it's great because it's a cool toned light brown, (queue me realising my bronzer ain't so great to contour with...) so really makes it look as though your bone structure really is just THAT good ;) 

Yes I can dream.

It was applied with the Contour Brush in the hollows of my cheeks, around my jawline, and my forehead, and with the Eye Blending Brush down the sides of my nose. This made a huge difference for me, as the bridge of my nose is quite wide, (forward facing photo's hate me) and this simple trick slimmed it down beyond recognition.

 #whoneedsanosejob?

Blusher, (another first for me!) was used in the shade 'Cosmo', and was applied using the Blusher Brush, and highlight in the lovely champagne toned 'Illuminator' was used on my cheek bones and down the bridge of my nose. I'm a HUGE lover of any kind of highlight, and this was no exception, I look at the photos below and seeing the glow on my cheekbones makes me happier than a kid at Christmas.

Reet, on to the eyes :D

First of all, Eye Primer in shade 'Sand' was applied using the Concealer Brush, to even out the skin tone and prevent any eyeshadow from creasing, as well as allowing the colours to 'pop' and look more vibrant. 

Eyeshadow in the shade 'Honey', from the 'Foxy' Eyeshadow Palette was blended into the crease using the Eye Blending Brush, and 'Truffle', also from this palette was used and blended into 'Honey', and into the outer V of my eye, using the Angled Eye Shadow Brush. 'Truffle' was also used on the outer half of my lower lash line (applied with the Smudger Brush).

'Eye Define' pencil liner in 'Intense Black' was blended under the eye to intensify the look, and black  'Duo Gel Liner'  was applied along my upper lash line, and winged out using the Fine Angled Brow Brush immaculately - Rachel applied this with such precision and expertise that I seriously applaud her skill here; the liner was identical on each side, and her patience meant it came out perfectly.

The 'Illuminator' previously used on my cheekbones and nose was used across the inner two-thirds of my lid and into my tear-duct to highlight. 

Black 'Volumising Mascara' was applied to both my top and bottom lashes - in much smaller amounts than I'd normally use myself, (who knew spider lashes weren't a thing?) and 'Foxy' faux lashes were applied to finish the eyes, (queue my mama actually believing they were my real lashes, and I'd somehow grown them in the couple of hours I was gone ha! Needless to say, she liked them a lot...) once again it was so strange to see my eyes this way, having always been completely useless with false lashes, but I loved them! The 'Foxy' lashes are long in length, but weren't so full on to detract from the rest of the face, and they complimented the rest of the make-up perfectly, they're probably the perfect lashes to use if you're wanting a natural evening look with just a subtle hint of 'boom, yeahh my lashes kick ass'.

Lipgloss in the natural shade 'Vintage' was used to complete the look, and finish my make-up perfectly. I really liked that Rachel used this shade, as normally for myself I'd go all out colour wise, or use nothing - so it was such a great alternative, and has showed me the kind of natural colour which would suit me.

Flash off                                                                      Flash on

I love this look in general, but have never truly known how to do it and get it right, so to see it applied so immaculately on my face was amazing for me, Rachel is truly a pro.

I've always been more than a little fearful of foundation, (possibly from spending my day as an orange that's rolled in mud, aged twelve) so have stayed away from it altogether. Seeing it on my skin so flawlessly, erased any bad memories and connotations I had - in truth my skin has probably never looked better!

I wouldn't be so fearful of it again, and to know that there's a product out there in Make-up by HD Brows' 'Sand',  which can look as good, natural, and glowing as it did, is reassuring. My skin still looked and, more importantly FELT like my skin - just better, (seriously, my mum couldn't stop staring) and in my opinion that's all you could ever want from a foundation.

Now all I'd need is Rachel's expert application skills and I may be half way there haha...

The contouring was something of a revelation; I've ALWAYS contoured my face, and quite frankly I can't get enough, however I've always contoured with bronzer, and using the pale brown shades Rachel did was just so much more natural, and yet so effective, who knows? I may just give it a go...

Overall, I adored this make-up look; I felt so ultra-glamorous and girly, it really was a shame that it all had to come off at the end of the night (why god-dammit?!). I especially loved the contouring and the eyes, (and OBVSSS the 'Illuminator', magpie I am after all) I own the HD Brows 'Foxy' Eye & Brow Palette already, and have often used it to create matte eyeshadow looks, so it's no surprise to me how much I loved the colours in the 'Foxy' Eyeshadow Palette, and the teeny iridescent particles these shades contain - it's been a long while since I last attempted liquid liner, but I used to love it, and have been a little inspired to dig it back out and try it again...although no doubt the chance of me re-creating those flicks with the precision that Rachel did, is more than a bit slim, and I may need a good free afternoon in the mirror before I can show the world.

So sadly, my time in Kim Kardashian's shoes, (not literally her shoes, I pretty much hate every pair she wears) came to an end...

And I can tell you now that I certainly did not adopt her long faced expression during my time in the MUA's chair, (mehh, I've got no collagen to crease in these cheeks) and in all honesty I was chuffed to bits with how my make-up looked.
It was something very different and a fresh look for me, while still encompassing all the things I love most in my own make-up looks, a smokey eye, highlight, and contouring.

Rachel is ultra professional and a true talent; there's a reason why I call her my Fairy-Lash-Mother, she's experienced, creative and extremely passionate about what she does, (not to mention genuinely lovely) and it shows.
She recently started her own business, and has a beauty room within her Huddersfield home, in the form of  'Beauty, Brows and Make-up Artistry by Rachel', and having visited it, it really is something special, and testament to the hard work she's put in to her career, constantly updating her skills and qualifications.


*Little disclaimer here: I'm in no way affiliated with Rachel or HD Brows, and am not being paid/sponsored to post this, Rachel is merely a brilliant beauty therapist and make-up artist, and simply deserves a little recognition for it :)

I can't thank Rachel enough for doing my brows and make-up for me, I was well and truly pampered during my visit, and I can't wait to go back, (which I am next week in fact for some LVL lash goodness, woop!) I'll no doubt be causing myself endless wrinkles with the silly grin that is sure to be plastered across my face once she's done, in totally non-Kim Kardashian-esque fashion.

Ah well...never understood her anyway.
Wouldn't mind her live-in MUA though...


You can find Rachel via:
Facebook
Her website
Twitter
Email: rachel-brooker@hotmail.co.uk
or contact on the phone directly on: 07990525258.


Also, cos we're lucky little so-and-so's, Rachel has kindly shared her stylist code, which allows you to receive a free brush when you spend over £35 on myhdbrows.com.
Her code is E950 and you can pop it in this little box right here.

Told you she was good ;)

MAC 'Dark Side' Review...I've been corrupted.

Play me.

You know you want to, you little rascals.

Guess who's back, back again?

Holly's back, tell a friend,

 (or tweet, like or share please peeps, 21st century man we're social media savvy these days)

I've been corrupted.

Taken to the dark side of life.

Life, where it's appropriate to skank around in manky trainers and a sweaty Nike top on a sometimes twice daily basis, with the remains of my crusty mascara sliding down my cheeks, and my left eyebrow definitely rubbing off on to my sweat towel.

Peng.

Life, where The Lad Bible provides the most intellectual reading of the day, and where Branston pickle is a normal addition to a Ryvita.

Definitely peng.

Life, where my nail file has gone missing and I don't even care about finding it; my nails are naff regardless.

Life, where blogging slackness is so severe that my side bar still says I'm 23, and I have little or no desire, (or software tbh) to change it.

What has become of me?!

:|

I once outright worried on this here little page, that I was slowly becoming a man, but now I fear something so much, much worse... 

My appearance this morning when my alarm starting screeching at me like some dirty banshee on speed, was more horrific than it was back in the dark days of October, when Halloween reared it's ugly head, and my presence vanished from the blogging world.

Like some crazed monster with a nasty case of 'bed-head' and even worse dark circles.

Hours later and if possible I look worse.

I didn't need a Halloween costume, I just am one.

I've had a shower and not combed my hair, so now fully resemble that dodgy girl from The Ring.

Well, well, well...

It is my fear, that somehow in this long four month period, I was abducted and corrupted by a dark and mysterious entity, stripped of all blogging know-how, and have been left to fester - luckily not in a well.

I'm defo not a good enough swimmer for that...

It is also my fear, that on some twisted level, I quite enjoy this new-found madness.

In fact, I've embraced it quite fully, as of Christmas Day...

See, on the day that Young Jeezy, (of the non-rapping variety) turned 2014 years old, an even deeper dark side appeared in my life, and I can assure you, my crazed self has taken it to another level...

See Christmas Day brought a small, dark package full of excitement - see there's little more exciting to even the most failed bloggers, (a la moi), than a new MAC lippy, and I got TWO!!

Imagine the drool. 

So exciting it was, that there was a real danger of such a gorgeous gift reverting me back to my former blogging self, and I very nearly sprang up and grabbed my dusty laptop there and then, and started typing away...

Until I remembered what a rebel I was and that there was turkey to be had.

We savages need our feasting time...

And my grandmas food is too precious to leave.

Snm.

Anyways, so inside my small, dark package sat MAC's 'Dark Side' lipstick; a colour I've lusted after for a good while, ever since I bought an oxblood coloured skirt and had nowt to co-ordinate it with...

'Dark Side' is possibly the most perfect deep, oxblood coloured burgundy-red lipstick you are ever likely to find; the Barry M version I bought in desperation to match my skirt was certainly no match, and in fact just looked plain wrong.

Soz, Bazza...you tried, but nah.

Whether it's for a statement lip in the daytime, or for a Winter's night out, 'Dark Side' is possibly as nice as it gets - it has an 'amplified' finish with amazing pigmentation, but is buildable, so the less daring of us out there can still rock it fearlessly. There's no danger of it being so dark that you giving off that 'I'm dead' vibe with this one, it really is glossy, rich, warm and beautiful.

The application is lovely - I often worry that such dark colours will stick on those pesky dry patches and in the cracks, but no trouble here; it glides on and stays just where you want it to.

(Be careful when you remove it though - don't go rubbing it everywhere...you will have a red chin!)

Wearbility wise - even when applied over the top of Vaseline, (has to be done) it stays put amazingly!

After several hours of wear I only had to re-apply once!! It sticks around well even through food, and only needed a slight touch up after the amazingness that was the pulled pork sandwich I ate on New Years Eve...

Yeah bwoi.

I wore it without a lip liner, and luckily it didn't bleed - but I do imagine that it would look incredible and even more flawless when worn with one - either way however, I'm a happy girl.

Creepiest pose ever. Allow it guys, it's been a while...

Now, as you know I'm all dark and devious these days and no rules or rotas can bind me,
I'm as Shady as Slim.
but I do intend to blog just a leeeeettle bit more often than I have been doing, I won't even begin to say I'll write weekly, because quite frankly I have naff all to say I'm a rebel and feel this time should be spent trashing stuff and that.
More than likely translates as 'at the gym'.

So, in true blogging failure fashion, I'll leave you in the style of Keith Lemon, (on Halloween) and say 'if I don't see you through t'week, I'll see you through t'window in about six months time, when I next get a kick up the arse.

Time to go, cos I have an alarm set for 6am, and I can feel the dread washing over me in a new wave of anger and pain...

My alarm is not the screeching banshee. 

I am.

But least I'm a banshee with a proper nice lippy...