Soap and Glory 'Thick and Fast' HD Mascara: Review

I bring this post to you, ladies, (and gents) from a dark, dark place...

I'm sat typing this in 'Sweaty Mess Mode'.

I don't need a wee right now, therefore a shower is just not good enough a reason for me to remove my aching backside from the sofa, and attempt the journey to the bathroom.

My nails have the remains of what used to be orange nail polish on them, chipped to within an inch of their short lives. 

Short due to the excessive snapping they've endured recently, without even the smallest attempt by myself to salvage the remains and file them into any form of neat shape.

Nail polish remover is a myth to me.

My lashes have been without mascara for over two weeks - partially owed to the fact I have lash extensions on, (yeah bwoiii, review coming soon*) and partly due to the amount of sweat which has poured down my face of late, washing away almost all traces of anything which could have been deemed to make me look human.

Niiiiiiiiice.

To add to this, on my eyelids is what remains of my most treasured eyeshadow colours; all three of my day-to-day, (and night, I won't lie) MAC eyeshadows have reached the end of their lives.

Poor 'All That Glitters' was the first to go, all that remains in its little pan is a few small specks of pink-toned sparkle, literally just the glitter that gave it its name.

'Soba' and 'Naked Lunch' are clinging on to the edges of their silver abode for dear life, fearful of my eyeshadow brush.

Any day soon they'll be joining poor 'All That Glitters' in 'ahhh sheeeet we've crumbled' heaven.

Basically, in my blogging absence, I have become some sort of monster, neglecting not only this little space of goodness which I genuinely love so much, but also myself.

(Alongside gallivanting off to Poland, a few weddings, and, well...the gym.) 

In fact the only item of make-up which I have purchased in the last six weeks is a replacement mascara, and actually pretty much the only mascara I've used in the entirety of 2014, therefore the only item I'm able to review right now.

I'm not a beauty blogger.

I'm a mess.

Appalling brush picture. Nice rocks mum, just what I always wanted.

Well...actually, no, don't give up on me, not just yet.

I like doing this too much.

Give me a wee few minutes of non-rambliness to explain my real reason for this post:

Soap and Glory's 'Thick and Fast' mascara, the high definition version...

Yeahh, see?

I can include proper stuff you know!

Basically, recently a few months ago, I was reading laaaats of blog posts from laaaats of lovely bloggers, and one brand just kept on popping up.

That brand, was 'Soap and Glory', and shamefully, I'd never used anything at all by them.

Nothing.

Nada.

NOWT.

I decided this had to change, and therefore my advantage points took a beating (bare skint yo) in favour of my need for a new mascara which cost marginally more than I'd usually care to pay... £10.50 (for 10ml) - only justifiable 'cos people a.) seemed to like it, and b.) the packaging is really pretty and eye catching and I like TOTTTTES 'get' their sense of humour. 

It's like I know them.

No, seriously though, the packaging is GORRRRGEOUS.

Who doesn't love having a good golden shiny cylinder depositing black goo on their eyelashes?

I actually mean it.

Amusing box and nice tube aside, we all know it's whats inside that counts, and it doesn't disappoint!

First up, le brush.

The brush is unique; I mean, no, it's not. It's still a black bristly thing on the end of a plastic stick, but it's like, missing a bit!

(Actually, it claims to be seven-sided, but I can defo only count like one round bit that randomly stops in the middle.)

It's as though Jesus himself has parted the bristles, sea style, to reveal a little mascara application trick which appeals to my unsteady hand in a massive way. Basically there is a V-shaped ridge disturbing the usual round shape of the bristles, which wouldn't photograph nearly well enough on my phone to show you.

 A quick google search tells me you other nifty bloggers out there with much better cameras still didn't fare massively well here, I couldn't quite find/nab a photo which quite demo'ed it well enough.

Got high standards me, you know.

 I also now see how poor my pictures actually are, damn.

Anyways, in summary the brush kicks ass. 

I use the edge of the V-groove to do my bottom lashes, and it goes on a dream. 

Product wise, this mascara genuinely has one of THE best consistencies I have ever come across; it's not too thick or runny, too gloopy, too wet, too dry, it doesn't clump, it doesn't flake, it stays put all day, it volumises, lengthens, builds, defines, intensifies - the lot!

I can confirm that those little legends who wrote this stuff on't box didn't lie. 

Serious, they even disclosed using lash inserts on their images.

It does all those things, and I love it!

The secret? 

Must be that collagen...now I don't fancy it in my lips or owt bizarre like that, but on my lashes GOOD GOD GIVE ME MOREEE!

Also, colour wise, I purchased the shade 'Film Noir' which my B in GCSE French tells me means it's black.

My eyes can also confirm that it is black.

Don't get how it relates to a film, but whatev's...

To summarise, I love this, and while wearing my lash extensions I've actually somewhat missed the pleasure that this was to apply every day (apart from on watering eye days snm).

I also feel pretty happy that I've now done my first blog post in more weeks than I care to count!

Oh sweet blogging niggle at the back of my minf, how I've missed shutting you up...

That aside, I'm still sat here in 'Sweaty Mess Mode', still avoiding both the bathroom, and the nail polish remover.

I'm also slightly tired, and the furry cushion next to me is starting to look like an inviting place for my head to rest...

:|

Oh gosh...and there it is.

It begins; I've said it, I want the fur.

I'm afraid this could potentially be stage one of my ever looming 'cat lady' status; I even thought a dog was cute last week and voluntarily stroked it.

This is unusual.

:|

It's like they know.

They're subconsciously hooking their claws into my psyche and making me like them.

Give it a year and I'll have my first kitten.

Give it ten and I'll love my growing collection more than people.

Give it thirty and I'll be blogging, about my favourite kitty-wear, and which feline adorned cups and saucers I've added to my lust list.

Somebody** help me...

P.S A Sheba advert just came on the telly and I actually paid attention. 

Feel like it's a sign and I should stock up.

Damn.

*not too soon, this is me we're talking about.

**Who isn't offended by my ragged appearance and/or smell.

(Also preferably male, single, and not a weirdo. Thanks.)