OOTD: A Warm Winter Evening

Okay guys this is bad.

It's like iPhone cameras weren't meant to be professional or something?

Like, for some reason, the combination of both dark evenings and fluorescent lighting in my kitchen, (niiiiiiice) has made me look like some deranged and slightly evil extra from 'The Addams Family'.

Or, if not, that I actually bear a rather large and disturbing resemblance to Samara, the creepy girl from 'The Ring'.

Yes, apparently I look 'just like her' while blow-drying my hair upside down.

As far as amazing compliments go, that was my all time fave.

Unfortunately, on seeing these pictures and scaring myself half to death, I'm inclined to agree...
There's only so much work adjusting the colour temperature and contrast can do.

My subconscious is clearly stuck in the past and believes it to still be Halloween.

Apologies in advance if these next few pictures put you off your dinner, tea or otherwise.

I just hope and pray it doesn't put you off my blog entirely.

But if it does...I recommend you watch your back.

;)

Liam Neeson is another Halloween costume I could possibly master if need be...

What I wore:

Jumper: George at Asda £16
Thick Leather Stripe Leggings: Primark £10 (?)
Boots: New Look £24.99
Necklace: eBay £1.59 (you whatttttttt?!)

So I get cold easily - must be that well I was trapped in for all that time showing itself through...but seriously I NEED to be wrapped up almost constantly during any month containing the letter 'r'.
No word of a lie, I'm sat writing this while under a blanket and wrapped up in both a dressing gown and a onesie.
And I'm still potentially cold.

On this particular evening I was feeling excited to don my new jumper - I'm lusting after all things monochrome, fluffy, and well, that bear any resemblance to the print of a big cat.
Shocking from me, I know.
;)
On my bottom half I wore these legging type things; (not gonna lie to you, I'm no expert and have noooo idea what they count as, any help?) they're extra thick and I'm loving the leather-look stripe running down the outer side.
The only down side it that I never learn and consequently they're a tad on the tight side; the popper surrenders as soon as I attempt any kind of movement.
Awesome.
Thank god there's also a button and zip.
Primark you little fastening obsessed beauties, you just think of it all don't you?


As for my boots, well I love them too much for words and want to wear them forever.
Comfy, warm, and with the potential to dress up or down, I might do just that!

I also wore my beloved gold lion necklace, which despite being 'totes' a Summer thing in bloggerworld, I have decided to carry on to be a Winter thing.
So much so, in fact that I've just ordered a new one from here, seeing as mine is losing it's goldenness, and well, quite frankly I'd order owt at that price if it sparkled and once again bore any resemblance to a big cat.
Potentially worrying.

On my face I wore a combination of at least three MAC eyeshadows, a lot of bronzer and highlight, (because despite both being close to their new life in the bin, I'm still too addicted to them to believe in rationing) and my beloved berry lip in the shape of Rimmel Matte Lipstick in shade 107.
As much as I love it, I'll be the first to admit it's not looking too hot in this lighting, gothic chic is naaaat a good look for me.

Anyway it's time for me to go...I have food to eat and my belly won't wait.
It's grumbling at me almost monstrously, and quite frankly there's enough freakishness going on in this blog post, if any more evil beings turn up, things are gonna get ugly.
You wouldn't like my belly when it's angry.

As for me though...

I can assure you, that I have no plans to crawl out of your screen, soaking wet with manky well water, and leaving a trail of bedraggled hair behind me.

Totes need a Tangle Teezer innit.

Until midnight that is...

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA.

Read during the witching hour at your peril ;)

Coming out of a screen near you... 

L'Oreal False Lash Telescopic Mascara: Review

So I'm not dead.

I'm in fact very much alive and kicking, (or not, seeing as I think Body Combat has finished off my right knee) and ready to rock and roll... (again, potentially not possible given current right knee situation.) yeeee-hawww!

I'm merely a bad beauty blogger. 

'Got my boyfriend in the shower'

Uh-huh do you remember that song?

Well it lies.

It's also naff as owt, but, naturally, stuck firmly in my head.

I'm becoming sorely tempted to re-word it and apply it to my own situation.

I'm a bad beauty blogger and my shower is empty, waiting for me to stand in it later when I deem myself to have written enough blog postage to leave my spot.

Leaving my spot has been something I've done a bit too much of in the last couple of weeks, and my poor page has grown a couple of cobwebs.

A bit like the mascara I'm reviewing for you; I've postponed this review for so long that err...it's now run out and I'm onto the next one.

A while ago...make that about three months now maybe, I decided to rekindle my long lost love affair with L'Oreal mascaras, namely their Telescopic range, seeing as a.) I used to love L'Oreal almost unhealthily and it's been a long time, b.) I was fed up of big fat brushes and needed something less clumsy, and c.) Anna from 'Vivianna Does Makeup' told me to...

Off to Boots I went, on the hunt for a new mascara...and it didn't take long for my eyes set upon the little silver piece of majesty more commonly known as the L'Oreal 'Telescopic' mascara. It's now *cue excitement* now been re-vamped as the 'False Lash Telescopic', which for lash addicts like myself, means that like a flower would stretch to the sun, my lashes practically scooped up the product from the shelves themselves, each lash acting like a finger to grasp it, eagerly awaiting their new false lash look.

Lol jk my lashes ain't that long.

And I'm now almost certain to dream of creepy mascara stealing spider leg lashes tonight.

Needless to say, I bought it, and I was not disappointed you guys!

L'Oreal 'False Lash Telescopic' makes my lashes appear longer and more plentiful - they are separated in a way I often find hard to achieve with my sadly lacking stumps, it's 'proper' black, ('Magnetic Black' apparently? *conjours more disturbing images of lashes grabbing mascara on their own, this time by way of a crazy magnetic field caused by the mere colour of the product*) and there's no annoying flaking or transfer.
It even does well in my spin classes, ahem.
As far as the 'false lash' effect goes - I kind of disagree. While it does make my lashes longer and darker, they lack volume, which for me spells out a big 'N-O' when it comes to looking false.
Unless you were going for those kind of pointless 'natural' false lashes...which let's be honest ladies (and gents) is naaaat the first thing you think of when someone says the word 'falsies' to you.
I saw very little sign of the fibres which were supposedly inside, and, well - I like fibres, I know when I can see them that I'm onto a winner.
I imagine the fibres must be as delicate as the brush...
Talking of, I kind of love, (and now miss given that I've returned to my Rimmel 'Scandaleyes Lycra Flex' - one amazing Boots offer freebie!) the brush; it's thin and precise, and means that THANK THE LORDDDD I don't have to spend five minutes repairing the damage done to my eyelid once I've slathered a load of black accidentally everywhere.
Maybe just two instead...
 The teeny tiny bristles get in every nook, cranny, corner, you name it - and unlike the bad-boy brushes I've used this year, I never once poked myself in the eye with it.

The packaging is sooooooooooo nice!
Don't you just love it?
You know me and sparkly things, I just can't cope - so on seeing a sleek, silver and extremely shiny object such as this, you know I'm gonna go a bit wild.

It's like Simon Cowell and his dollar sign eyes all over again.
Nuff said.

Overall, I do really like this mascara, but for a pricey £10.99 for 9ml, I probably wouldn't get it again...shame really, because L'Oreal I do love your mascaras maynnn!!
I can't quite remember how this compares to the original, (which I rinsed the life out of back in the day) but I definitely see why my less mascara experienced self liked it so much.
I have to say though, for a daytime look and/or a more natural look - this is your ideal product, aside from the lack of false lash-alikeness, it's pretty darn fab!!
 
And it looks purty in your make-up bag.

Anyhoo...sadly in my absence, my L'Oreal False Lash Telescopic has reached it's point of destruction, and has gone to the mascara heaven in the sky/bin.
It had a good and full life, it was used everyday...but sadly won't be on my eyes again any time soon!

For now, seeing as you know I love a good blog singalong, I'll leave you with the squeals of Princess Superstar, and the song that will just not budge from my head!

Might have edited the errr...words just a little bit ;)

Altogether now.

'I spend six quid an hour,

I'm a bad beauty blogger,

Got my products in the shower.

Woo!

I spend six quid an hour,

I'm a bad beauty blogger got my products in the shower.'

I won't give up the day job.

Song = Stuck in head.

Me = Sat in warm spot avoiding the shower.

Boyfriend = Also avoiding the shower.

Right knee = Throbbing.

Mascara = Good.

Blog post = Done.

#FirstWorldProblems a.k.a The Needlist

So I kind of abandoned all reason and faith in the actual post I was going to write today in favour of this:

Something of a wishlist.

Only it's not a wishlist, 'cos I don't like doing them!

I like reading them though, so go ahead and post them you little lovelies you, I shall be swooning and most likely commenting in whole-hearted agreement at your little lusts...

It's more of a...shall we say, ramble, at my current lack of all things make-up, and the fact that during the last week I've located more of my remaining bronzer trodden into my rug, (having broken from the edge of the pan and fallen out) than well, in the pan and therefore on my face.

This is bad you guys, because hell my tan is gawnnn and I'm starting to look a little deathly, even before the sick feeling of having to ration my bronzer and look less glowy *read, 'orange', I sadly don't do subtle*  takes over.

Then I just look green and somewhat alien-like with my clashing green and orange tinged skin...sheeeeeexy huh?

Luckily the doll that is my mum, (and most avid reader) has given me some Vanish spray to remove the orange stains splattered on my cream rug, meaning I can save about two quid right there and add it to my so far non-existent make-up fund!

Lies: I spent it on food shopping aka houmous.

Fund is still empty.

So is the bread bin.

All jokes aside now guys.

This isn't stuff I wish for, or that I want.

It's just stuff I god damn need, before I have to bare to the world Huddersfield my face, sans slap.

Ladies (and gents) I welcome you to:
The Needlist.

def: (noun) a group of desires linked with vanity and self-indulgence, thought of in such high regard, that the owner truly believes such items are NEEDED to improve the quality life, (or look of their face) relative to how he/she knows it. 

1. // 2. // 3. // 4. // 5. // 6. // 7. // 8.

1. Okay so obviousness first!
I NEED A NEW BRONZER, and my god am I sick to the back teeth of my favourite, (ahem only bronzer I've ever used) and old faithful Bourjois 'Delice de Poudre' aka Chocolate Bronzer. I mean yes it's been good to me and I still love it (on my rug not so much)...but sometimes it's just time for something new, and when you see 293871283621 people a week raving about how amazingly perfect a certain product is...you just kind of want it.
Yes, NARS 'Laguna', I mean you.
I want you on my face.
I also want you to be in the sale, with a discount of 95%.
Thanks, bye.

2. Can this be in the sale too please?
Yeah, see my much loved and very pretty bargain in the shape of the MUA 'Shimmerkisses Bronzer', (actually a highlighter, but whatev's) is hovering dangerously on the tipping point between usability and well, bin-ability, and on a daily basis I'm now risking having splodges of shiny stuff redesigning my rug along with the orange ones, as this product flakes away...
I only ever bought this in a bid to curb my lusting for the MAC Mineralise Skin Finish in 'Soft and Gentle', and now that it's reaching the end of its short existence, my lust has returned with a vengeance.

3. Berry lips oh how I love thee...
Only not on a day-to-day basis, given that I have just one berry lip option, (Rimmel 107 duhh) and as much as I love it, it's just too much for daily wear.
Back in the sunny days of Summer I DARED myself to don an orange lip in the day, and found the recent introduction of lip crayons to be the best thing for a subtle look...now those sunny days are a distant memory, I'm looking for a deep dark alternative, and I think the Bourjois Colour Boost Lip Crayon in 'Prune' may be it...

4. I wholly and fully blame Gemma for this.
She just like totes wants me to spend my pennies on pretty NYX stuff with rather nice names.
I was unaware of this gorgeous Jumbo Eye Pencil's existence until she told me...
It's sooooo nothing to do with the fact that I'm obsessed with leopards and this product is called 'Sparkle Leopard'

Nope.

All her fault.
;)

5. Because I need a brush to apply one and two.
And well, everything.
I only own two very tatty old face brushes, which double up for my bronzer, highlight, and powder, (oh god I need a new one of those too!) and well...I could do with another.
The Real Techniques 'Powder Brush' will do I reckon...I'd like the contour brush too but given that it only comes in a set, I think I'll pass, for now.

6. Back to MAC.
Well, not literally 'Back-to-Mac' - if I did have some empty stuff to 'Back-to-MAC' this bad boy would be mine...
However for now, no, I simply have to observe the gorgeous orange/red matte beauty of 'Lady Danger' from afar.

7. So a few months ago I decided to experiment with brown eyeliner and was converted in seconds!
I literally have worn black about twice since...and now I've got an itch.
The itch and urge to try something else, in the form of Rimmel 'Scandal Eyes Kohl Kajal' eyeliners in 'Nude' and 'Bronze'.
I mean what if one day I want a more subtle look (don't laugh, I'm serious!)? I could totally try out a nude pencil - or equally a bronze, because I love bronze and I'm certain it wouldn't be as dark as my daily brown liner...I could be converted yet again!

8. I don't own many nude lipsticks.
Well...I own two, but I've gone off one of them, and the second is quite peachy and Summery.
I've spent my life about three years hunting down the perfect darker and more brown toned nude, but every single one without fail has looked horrendous on my lips; too pink and too pale almost every single time.
So...having seen at least three different bloggers describing this as a darker brown toned nude, and swatching what looks like my dream colour...I think Rimmels 'Let's Get Naked' will be MINEEEEEE.
*evil laugh MUHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA*

 ***

Okay guys so predictably I've rambled on way too long and you're most likely now exhausted or wanting a nap.
I don't blame you, I need one too.
*adds to 'Needlist'*

I'm thinking I'll probably be dreaming of gorgeous shimmery cheekbones and orangey red lips.

Or possibly, dreaming that I'm an actual leopard with some pretty awesome patterns...

Which reminds me.
:|
Screw my nap...
It's time to get acquainted with the new potential companion (and fellow plastic spray bottle dweller) to my BFF, the 'Dettol Mould and Mildew Remover', in the hope that it can indeed make the not so awesome patterns (aka orange mess) on my rug vanish!

*Secretly hopes that some kind of magic will occur and subsequently said orange mess will appear perfectly applied on my face, and therefore not be wasted - booya.*

OOTD: Day Out With Bestie, Baby and Bump :)

I proper love days out with my bestie I do.

She's just the coolest.

And no I'm not referring to the BFF I fawned over in my last blog post to you all...

Sadly, I don't carry a green spray bottle of Dettol around in my handbag a la Paris Hilton Pooch style, spending full days together travelling on trains and taking snaps together on Instagram while I push it on a swing...

I'm sure you're all relieved.

No, this time, I mean a REAL HUMAN BEING.

No really, she kicks my green BFF's ass.

Not least because in just three months time this little *yes Lisa it IS small* bump she's been carrying around with her, (thankfully NOT in Paris Hilton Pooch Bag style, that would be weird) will become a gorrrrgeous little niece or nephew for me to spoil, and a little brother or sister for the unbelievably beautiful daughter she already brought into the world two years ago.

This brings me alllll kinds of excitement.

I have already mentally spent my life savings, (about three quid) on them both at least six hundred times over.

Mainly in the Next Childrenswear section.

Literally, I was so excited, that my left and most obedient leg almost made a dash for it out of the smaller-than-average-but-still-very-much-there split in my skirt!

Remind me to wear jeans on her due date.

Can't get to the hospital legless now can I?

What I wore:

Skirt: Primark £3

Jumper: H&M £14.99

Boots: New Look £24.99

Necklace: Lion Necklace £1.59

Earrings: Mum.

So on commenced our more than fabulous day out in Leeds...

We ate, browsed, shopped, lusted after a million homeware items, and dressed about a hundred future children (only one of which is in the oven right now and it's not mine!) and came home in time for me to take some pictures for your viewing pleasure hahaaa... ;)

That is, until realising something scarier than the shockingly real Halloween mask I wear every morning at 5.45am.

I ventured all the way to Leeds with *shock horror and gasps* NO EARRINGS IN.

*I'll just give that a moment to settle*

I felt naked.

As nekkid as the day I was born.

As though I'm listening to the delightful melody that is Justin Timberlake's 'Senorita'.

He'll have your ears nekkid, by the end of this song.

By the end of the song my earrings had escaped in true right leggage style and run off to hunt down that fine piece of humanity.

The situation was almost so desperate that I considered buying a pair of earrings to wear, but yet I returned home earringless still, and for the purpose of my photo's my mumsie provided me with these cute little gold balls!

All hail my mum and most avid reader; she knows what my readers (herself) like and that is ACCESSORIES.

I wanted warmth and TGI's food baby coverage on this particular day, so I went for my new extra warm, extra large, and extra cosy fluffy jumper, which I've been lusting after since seeing one like it here on the fabulously styled Helen from 'The Lovecats Inc' (L-L-Looovecats).

I made it my mission to wear black and fluff like her, and in my mission I have succeeded yerrrrr.

I wore it with my favourite bargain of the moment; this Primarni £3 bargain of a skirt!
I.LOVE.IT
Pretty sure I'll be getting lots of wear for it's worth, seeing as it's already been worn three days this week and could do with a wash.
Trampy girl I am...

On my face I wore my two new MAC eyeshadow additions, (can I get an ooooh?) 'Naked Lunch' and 'Charcoal Brown', both of which are stunning and look awesome with my favourite and oh-so-famous Rimmel - 107 berry lip!

So that concluded my day, with my bestie, baby, bump - and her lovely mum!
I could have done with buying another bottle of my BFF while I was at it, as it's had some hefty use this week and is *sob* almost dead...
That way my day filled with life's lovelies would have been complete, and I really would have donned the Paris Hilton Pooch Bag, but in a totally unique Dettol Mould and Mildew Remover fashion.

It's the new black.

...but not of the mould variety.